The one where Disney changed everything.

Warning: this is a long one.
I haven't talked about my divorce much, and not a ton of people knew until recently when I finally became okay with the idea of talking about it. The idea of divorce is scary, but it's not the end of the world. It's just the adjustment that has been hard. Having spent the last six years of my life with one person - growing up with one person, loving one person - and then starting all over - that's been the hard part.
One thing that made me more nervous than anything was the Disney trip that I had been planning for our third wedding anniversary. The day the conversation happened, I had just made the final payment for the trip. At that moment, cancelling didn't seem like an option, so I thought, maybe we'll still go. But then the idea of going to a place I love so much with someone who, quite frankly, doesn't want to be married to me... it made me sick to my stomach. So then I asked everyone I could think of to go with me. Then I thought, "well, I'll just go by myself." Thank God my parents put a stop to that idea. Ha! My mom ended up taking one for the team and going with me and I'm so grateful she did. I had the BEST time. In the end, I'm so glad that I didn't cancel. I'm SO GLAD I didn't cancel. I don't even care if I sound so dramatic right now, but this trip changed everything. I came home with a new perspective and ready to go back to being myself again, not the weird shell of myself that I had been the last two months.

 After the big conversation, I changed all of the plans. Nearly every single one of them. The trip was no longer the trip that I had planned to spend a week celebrating my marriage, and instead one celebrating fresh starts with my mom. We took it slow, we took mid-day breaks in favor of naps and hanging out at our resort (Port Orleans French Quarter!), we didn't leave Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party until well after midnight, and did Haunted Mansion with 10 other people in the stretching room with us (it creeped my mom out and that was the best moment of the trip, I'm sure!), we didn't adhere to one set schedule and instead took things day by day and did what we wanted to spur of the moment.

We ate at all my favorite spots - including Sci-Fi, 50's Prime Time and Rose & Crown. We, of course, did Be Our Guest so we could have breakfast, making it the second time I've had that meal there and the sixth time I've eaten there in general. At Rose & Crown, I had the most wonderful beer of my LIFE. So much so, that we went back to Epcot a few days later for another round. 

We made a trip over to the Boardwalk Resort for a quick visit at the new AbracadaBar, which was incredible. Disney theming is like no other and this was no exception. Honestly, there's something to be said about visiting Disney parks with your mom at an adult age when you can both partake in adult beverages. It's kind of the best. 

We were there for the 45th anniversary of Magic Kingdom and, initially, we weren't supposed to go to that park that day and I'm SO GLAD we changed our plans and went over. It was a crazy level of crowded, insanely hot, and we waited an hour for the 45th anniversary merchandise, but oh my word - it was so worth it. I got to meet the Walt Disney World Ambassadors, who represent the 70k+ cast members that WDW employs. It really was an incredible day that I could relive over and over. 

While there, I said yes to all the souvenirs I laid my eyes on. I came home with 7 new shirts (I might have a problem), 2 popcorn buckets and 3 souvenir cups. My suitcase was 35 pounds when I arrived and 48 pounds when I left - ha! I also decided to make the big decision to upgrade to an Annual Pass while there. I guess to most this isn't a big decision - but for me, it was a promise to myself that I will return. 

I was so afraid that because of the memories I have attached to Disney World - honeymooning there, spending our first and second anniversary there - that I wouldn't want to return after this trip. That this would be the nail in the coffin, that there would be too much of my past there and it would be too hard to enjoy myself. I was so, so wrong. This past week that I spent at Disney World was one of the best trips I've ever had. It was the happiest I've been in nearly two months. I rarely thought of what was going on back home (with a few minor exceptions when my dad sent my videos of my kitties. Ha!), and I just spent every moment being present with my mom. I didn't once think about doing certain attractions with Blake, or eating at certain restaurants with Blake. I was just happy to be there. I was happy that this is the life I get to live, no matter how difficult things have been lately.

Why stop going to a place that has brought me so much happiness in the past, and was able to bring me so much peace and joy last week during the hardest thing I've ever gone through? So I upgraded to an Annual Pass so I can spend the next year focusing on me and keep returning to the place that makes me so, so happy. 

Mom, thank you so much for going with me and giving me a week away from the real world with no stress. 

Disney, thank you for an escape when I needed it most. I came home refreshed and ready to settle into a new routine, ready to make the best of a crappy situation and ready to do what's best for me in the long run. Disney magic is so real. 

I will forever be grateful for this trip. See you real soon, Disney World.