Update

When I last wrote, my divorce had just been filed, after waiting what felt like forever to get to that point. At that point, I was still harboring a lot of anger toward certain people and situations, and I think a lot of that is reflected in a few of my previous posts.

An uncontested divorce is supposed to easy, simple and quick. We didn't own anything together, no kids, we'd already agreed on how everything was to be split between the two of us. With something so simple, you wait a 30 day period after filing before it's sent to a judge to sign off on. So imagine my disappointment when January rolls around and I'm still not divorced. Then February. It felt like I was doomed to be married but not, for the rest of forever.
At the end of February, I received a notice that our divorce case was going to trial... in August. I panicked, my friends did everything to try and calm me, then I found out it was just a filing error on behalf of the court. Looking back, I laugh so hard at how much I panicked. Within a few days of the error, I got an email that I was no longer married and my maiden name was restored to me. This was  a month ago tomorrow. The month of March has been good to me.

2016 was one big dumpster fire for a number of reasons, but it was also one of the best. I met a lot of new people that I can't imagine doing life without, I did new things that previously my anxiety would've said HELL NO to (got locked inside a room voluntarily for an hour! The things I do for my friends), and started working on bettering myself - something I'd been putting off for over two years.

As I've mentioned before, when I first got in contact with my therapist and described my situation and how I felt every single day, she suggested twice weekly visits. I then moved to once a week... then every other week. Then once a month. I'm now considered to be on a maintenance schedule, and I only need to be make appointments as needed, but I do have set appointments booked for every 8 weeks. I'm happy with this and I'm proud of how far I've come.

My medication is something I'm still coming to terms with. I hate the idea of being so dependent on these little pills; the idea that this is what keeps me in fairly good spirits on a day to day basis is frustrating. Going to the doctor sucks the life out of me every time because I hear "you've lost more weight, kiddo!" every single visit from the well-meaning nurse, as well as walking out with an appointment summary sheet that lists everything I have that is a diagnosed "problem."

Anxiety.
Depression.
Insomnia.

I'm on a combined 70 mg of antidepressant medication to treat the three. I admit that I'm the worst at faithfully taking my medication and it results in mood swings that I hate inflicting on those close to me. I've been doing well with them lately, though, thanks to getting a fun little weekly pill box that I fill with my vitamins so I don't feel like I only take these stupid pills.

I went on a Disney trip with a friend in January, a first for me (I need to write about it soon!). I'm about to go on another Disney trip this month, but this time completely by myself, another first for me. I filled this next trip with things that I've been wanting to do forever but never did because we were always paying for two people (and somehow when you only have to pay for one person, the sometimes outrageous costs seem a lot less outrageous, ha!)

All in all - I'm doing just fine. The really dramatic side of me thought I'd never feel this happy again, that I would never see the light at the end of the tunnel. But here we are! I'm happy. I only cry when I see commercials with babies and old people. I bought a pink couch, and really, how can you be sad when you're sitting on a pink couch?

It's kind of insane to go back and read my first few posts on how I was dealing with the divorce. I think a lot of people did not take me writing about all of this, and being so public about my experience, very well. For that, I do apologize. But to be able to look back and read my own words about how I struggled with something I didn't necessarily choose, coming to terms with my divorce and finding peace in the situation - that's something I will never regret writing about.

Also: my friend Abby took some photos of me in late January. I had just gotten back from one of the best Disney trips I'd ever been on, I was happy, and even though I didn't know it at the time, a month away from being officially, legally divorced. I put on my favorite dress and my go-to red lipstick for the occasion & she captured photos of me at a big turning point in my life. Here's some of my favorites. <3